Wow. It's August. It's been a while...always is a while between posts for me. Soooo much has happened since February...where to start...
Well, let's start by saying that there's a lot I won't be saying here. I don't think it's good or healthy to verbally vomit all the sordid details of one's life all over the inter-webs (kind of begs the question of a personal blog, but that's another topic for another day). I can say, in summary, that my life has been crazy and extremely off-plan.
Today my precious boys started school...so did mostly everyone else's kids, but it feels like a much bigger deal for mine. For Number One Boy, he only spent one tiny semester of Kindergarten in the States and for Junior Prince, he's never been to school in the States. It may be a bigger deal for me than for them, but I'm...worried...concerned...preoccupied...not sure what word is most appropriate here. Number One is excited that maybe he'll actually be challenged and learned something this year...Junior Prince is terrified and I'm telling you, those eyes of his shred his mommy's heart when they are half-filled with tears and silent pleas for rescue. The social scene is different here...the classroom schedules and techniques are different here....there are way more kids at this school here...and I survived so I'm sure they will too. I'm just desperately praying for more than survival...for success, in whatever shape that takes...for friends...for no bullies...
It's sort of symbolically the first day of everything new for me too. I can honestly say that I did not see this "season" coming (I'm not talking about sending my kids to school anymore). My life looks so different than anything I ever visualized. It is not that "so much better than I ever dreamed" kind of different...it's a "I had no idea it could happen to me" different.
In my previous line of work, there were a lot of expectations, a lot of ideals, a lot of unspoken obligations. As a fully cognizant participant in that line of work, I had a very officious set of opinions and ideas and sermonettes that I could dish out at a moment's notice. I had definite ideas about what "should" and "should not" be done in a variety of situations. I had sharp opinions about situations and things that I didn't comprehend on any level other than theoretical. In short, I had no freakin' clue.
Now that my life, the one that's mine, has taken some unexpected twists and painful detours, I'm finally learning how to keep my mouth shut...how to edit myself...how to wait before opinionizing (yep, made that word up...deal with it)...how to give lots and lots of grace for the human-type blunders that everyone makes. I mean, let's be real, I still have opinions...but I realize that until I am the one in the situation, there's no way to know what that situation feels like.
So...I guess you could say I've been sent back to school too. Bring on the school, bring on the books...and thank goodness for a Teacher who doesn't give dirty looks. Ever. I'm really grateful for that right now.
