That Didn't Come Out Right...

Language learning is a _____ process. Fill in the blank - if you've never learned another language, try to imagine it... yourself, a competent adult, able to do things like order in a restaurant, express an opinion, ask for directions, call the cable guy... and then put yourself in a place where NOTHING is familiar, save signs for things like Coke and Levis and the occasional smash-up word like googlear (the act of googling, I kid you not).

Now, I've been in this process for 8 years now... yes, count them, 8... and I have learned a lot. I'm actually quite capable in my adopted tongue. But there are days when absolutely nothing comes out right! Most of the time I know it's me, that I'm having a "boca gringa" day (the days when my pronunciation is laughable), that I'm not coming up with the right words. Then there are days when I promise you, it is not me, it's them....

The other day I was in a coffee shop for a meeting (all meetings require caffeination, right?). Not to brag, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to ordering coffee. This is not a problem area for me. And so I waited at the counter for the guy to quit messing around and pay attention. I was a little annoyed, but whatever. So... I ordered my coffee. It wasn't even elaborate, it was just a plain latte with skim milk. The guy looked at me as if I were speaking Martian or Chinese or something. He repeated back to me an order I never even thought of making, with flavors and who knows what. I calmly (counting under my breath) repeated my quite simple order in a clear, slow voice. He repeated back to me... something else entirely, different from the first and definitely not what I had said. His co-worker corrected him, repeating what I had said. He turned and looked at me with this confused look on his face, and right then and there I had a very unholy moment.

The things is, I'm usually fairly confident in my language skills. But days like that make me wonder... I'm currently studying for a big competency exam mid-November, and I have my rock star days and my Napoleon Dynamite days. I want to know everything - all the vocabulary, why they use this word this way one day and another way the next, the culturally loaded meanings behind things, how to write and speak in such a way that no one suspects I wasn't born with this gift... I know that herculean task is impossible, but I'd like to know enough to at least have a rock star day at test time.

So, I keep turning on the radio and reading the newspaper and watching the sitcoms. I bug my friends incessantly with the whys and the whats and the how comes. I take the plunge and say stuff and laugh along when it comes out so lame. And then I just shrug and say, "That didn't come out right..." and start again...

Like running on the beach

I adore the beach. I was born by the beach. I always turn to the beach (when I can) for that sense of well-being and peace that is hard to find in the city.

I also adore the idea of running on the beach. The movies make it look so easy! The light is amazing (no matter what time of day is being portrayed) and the girl or guy just saunters along the sand, in shoes or barefoot, looking super relaxed and stress-free, clothes billowing, hair blowing... yeah, it is not that easy. It's really hard and really... disappointing. My fantasy of waltzing along the beach, burning calories and looking fabulous, is, well, a fantasy.

The reality, for me at least, is pounding the city streets, dodging cars, stalling at red lights, sweat streaming, inhaling untold quantities of smog, gasping for those last few hundred meters...

I like running in the city. I really do. I like watching people as I run. I like seeing visible progress in the number of blocks I pass. I even like the sweat, the tangible proof of exertion. It's not always easy to convince myself to strap on the shoes and turn on the tunes and get going, but once I do, it's hard to imagine why it was necessary to convince myself.

Normally, I could turn all this into a huge object lesson, but just this once I'm gonna... not. Someday maybe I'll be able to run on the beach... and someday beyond that I'll be able to make it look easy... or not. Meanwhile, it's time to grab my shoes and my iPod and hit the streets.